“My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife, you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” -Socrates

Marriage is often put on a pedestal as the ultimate commitment between two people. It is viewed as “the institution” for couples “in love.” This institution used to be the goal of every man, the dream of every woman, and the hope of every parent for their children. It used to be the joy of every pastor to perform the ceremony. It used to be more about the relationship than the presentation at the wedding. Churches used to encourage it, families used to be built upon it, and children used to be an expression of the union. There used to be a perception that marriage was forever. It used to be viewed as a covenant between God, a man and a woman. Do people believe in the institution of marriage anymore? Do people view marriage as the ultimate expression of a relationship anymore?

According to a recent report by The New York Times, The American Community Survey, released this month by the Census Bureau, found that 49.7 percent, or 55.2 million, of the nation’s 111.1 million households in 2005 were made up of married couples — with and without children — just shy of a majority and down from more than 52 percent five years earlier. What does this mean? Marriage is officially the minority option for couples. These findings do not mean that people aren’t getting married, they just suggest that fewer people are doing it. Marriage is on a slow decline. The New York Times goes on to state the census survey estimated that 5.2 million couples, a little more than 5 percent of households, were unmarried opposite-sex partners. An additional 413,000 households were male couples, and 363,000 were female couples. In all, nearly one in 10 couples were unmarried. (One in 20 households consisted of people living alone). Why are fewer people choosing marriage as an option?

According to divorcestatistics.org, 40-50% of marriages in America end in divorce. Could it be the divorce rate that is scaring people away from marriage? The reality that 1 in 2 marriages ends in divorce can be intimidating. 10% of Americans are divorced. The median age of divorce, from a first marriage, for men is 30.5 years and the median age for woman is 29 years old. According to 2004 U.S. Census statistics, only 15% of Americans age 15 and older are married. Is the marriage rate declining because of relaxed views on living together? Based on a report by USA Today, 8.1 % of American heterosexual couples are “cohabiting” or choosing to live together instead of get married. I remember when I was younger, living together was viewed negatively and often referred to as “shacking up.” America has increasing relaxed views on unmarried couples living together now, some psychologists are even beginning to suggest it.

Could it be America’s relaxed views on premarital sex? Premarital sex used to be viewed as negative in this country, now the statistics reflect a very different trend. Eventhough nearly 46% of Americans view premarital sex as wrong, 63% of American youth ages 14-21 are sexually active. The numbers after the age of 21 are even higher. Has the church lost is moral influence? According to a study by sociologist Stanley Presser of the University of Maryland and research assistant Linda Stinson of the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (in the Washington post), a more accurate assessment of church attendance data shows only 26% of Americans regularly attending church — a drop from the 42% reported in 1965. Does America’s increasing acceptance of gay and lesbian couples have something to do with the decline in marriage? Matt Foreman, executive director of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, said “I would say the increase is due to people feeling more comfortable disclosing that they are gay or lesbian and living with a partner”

Are views and definitions of love different? Marriage used to be the ultimate expression of love. How many marriages are entered into because of love and ended under the same declaration? What is the litmus test for love now? What does the marriage decline say about morality? What are the implications for America? Has marriage become essentially an option or should it be a goal? One thing is for sure…”I don’t want to get married” is becoming the overwhelming majority. By way of divorce, I feel like I have been forced to become a philosopher on the subject…What does the future hold for the institution of marriage?

“Is not marriage an open question, when it is alleged, from the beginning of the world, that such as are in the institution wish to get out, and such as are out wish to get in?” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The friendship between a man and a woman which does not lead to marriage or desire for marriage may be a life long experience of the greatest value to themselves and to all their circle of acquaintance and of activity; but for this type of friendship both a rare man and a rare woman are needed.” -Anna Garlin Spencer