When I was 7 years old, my father was killed in a car wreck. He was hit by a drunk driver ending his life at the tender age of 36. The drunk driver was also killed in the car wreck. My father in a lot of ways laid the foundation for my perception of manhood early on. From things as simple as opening doors for my mother to cooking on Saturdays, he set an idealistic example of what manhood and fatherhood was all about. He was a great provider, a minister, a business man and an individual that was perfect despite his imperfections. Losing him at such a young age left an empty place in the hierarchy of our family. My mother always allowed my father to lead the household and as a result of that, they had a chemistry together at times reminiscent of a great concerto with us as the orchestra. I honor my father on Father’s Day as all others do, but I must do something a little different as well. My mother, by reinforcing my fathers values after his death, created a foundation in us reflective of the principles that were inherently a part of my fathers nature.

Every fathers day since September 1983 has been a tribute to my father and a day to honor my mother for her ability to fill both roles in his absence. My mother used his example to articulate the value of fatherhood and the male figure in the structure of the family. Her respect for him still remains strong to this day…the brilliance in her parenting is reflected in her ability to never take his place while yet filling his place by expressing his values, along with hers, to us. I am often asked how it feels to come from a single parent home, but I cannot completely answer the question because I did have both of my parents until my father’s passing. Theoretically I come from a single parent household, but spiritually I come from a household where a foundation was laid by both parents. The foundation was laid so the structure would still be effective even if one of them were unable to be there for us all the way to adulthood.

My mother stepped up to be everything for her children often times sacrificing her own desires. I cannot speak of fathers day without acknowledging her role in fulfilling the very meaning of that day. We must make sure that in honoring the great fathers of the world on this day, we don’t forget about the mothers that courageously step into both roles.